Journeys of Faith

In this article you will meet five people, all in various stages of discerning their call. These personal Journeys of Faith reveal the private, sometimes difficult, path to the priesthood.

The Rev. Barbara Sears The Rev. Barbara Sears

A child was asked what a deacon is. He replied, “A deacon is something that stands on a hill and shines a light so that people can see the way.” I think that’s a pretty good definition!

1. When did you receive “the call”? Please include your age and occupation at the time. Was it obvious? Were you surprised?
In 1989, I was 43 years old and a middle school math teacher in Baltimore County. I was considering early retirement in a couple of years, and my husband Bill asked me what I would do after I retired. It was a fair question, and so I started praying about what direction God might want me to go. We attended the diaconal ordination at the National Cathedral that June, and afterwards, I felt God leading me to investigate the Deacon Formation Program (DFP). I was surprised, because I had always thought it would be Bill who would be called into ordained ministry, not me.

2. What did you do about it? (Try to) ignore it. Act immediately. Wait (how long?) then act.
I read the information from the diocese about the diaconate and the DFP, and my immediate reaction was, “Well, this is not it. This is too much work!” But by December 1989, I knew that God was calling me to apply to the program. “But I can’t do this, Lord!” And I heard God respond, “No, you can’t do it by yourself, but we can do it together.”

3A. What steps did you take? (Describe the discernment process.)
First, I talked with several people: the archdeacon, the rector of my home parish, my prayer partner and my husband Bill. They affirmed my call and encouraged me to apply. I was accepted as an aspirant and began the discernment year in 1991. During that year, there were monthly formation weekends at Claggett, a 10-week career exploration seminar and EFM theological education. At the end of the year, I applied for postulancy and was accepted. (Note: The discernment process is much different now, with the Exploring Ministry and Finding Our Way programs.)

3B. Was there an individual or group that guided you through the process? (mentor, spiritual director…)
The facilitators in the DFP provided excellent training opportunities, and helped us to discern, refine, and articulate our calls to diaconal ministry. My spiritual director, rector, prayer partner and husband were also instrumental in this discernment process. My home parish provided a committee of laypeople with whom I met regularly throughout the year.

3C. How did they help?
Each one in his or her own way helped me to examine my call, the discernment process, the implications of ordained ministry, the effect on family life, and the practical issues of being a non-stipendiary deacon.

3D. Did you use a specific discernment technique(s)? Which one or ones? (see “Vocational Discernment and Prayer” http://www.episcopalchurch.org/34282_34044_ENG_HTM.htm)
The DFP discernment year provided a variety of methods for discerning a call to ordained ministry.

4. Did you discover anything surprising about yourself in the process or develop a new or latent gift? (see “God Equips the Called” http://www.episcopalchurch.org/34282_34032_ENG_HTM.htm)
I was surprised that I developed a love of and a gift for preaching. I never thought I’d be able to write and deliver a sermon that would mean anything to anyone. Also, I was surprised to find that I had a gift for ministering to people at the end of their lives--me, who would never go near a sick person, much less someone who was dying!

5. Any advice to those in the process now?
Looking back, I can see where each part fit in and was important in completing the discernment process. So, I guess my advice would be, just stick with it and use each experience to gain as much as you can.

6. Had you not been called, what might you be doing now or was this inevitable?
At the end of the discernment year, before I was accepted as a postulant, I knew that what I had learned would be beneficial no matter what the outcome. I would have been disappointed, of course, but I knew that neither I nor the Church would be a loser if I was turned down. I don’t know what I’d be doing now, but I do know that God would have led me into some other ministry within the Church or in the world.

7. Please describe your current stage in the process. Include current occupation, title, employer (name of church), seminary and year graduated (or will graduate).
I have been a deacon for 12 years. In that time, I have served in three parishes, helping to create or strengthen ministries in outreach and pastoral care, and raising up lay leadership for these ministries. Presently, I am the deacon at St. George’s Church, Manchester. I am also the chaplain for Carroll Hospice and an associate chaplain at Carroll Hospital Center. My ministry in all three places brings me great joy, and I thank God that he trusts me to do the work he has given me to do.

The Rev. Dr. Carol Pinkham Oak The Rev. Dr. Carol Pinkham Oak

1. When did you receive “the call”? Please include your age and occupation at the time. Was it obvious? Were you surprised?
My call came clearly when I was 25 and working after college. Initially the spiritual tugging at my sleeve to enter more deeply into prayer and discernment was gentle yet persistent. I began my own discernment to learn what God wanted me to do and was surprised to find a call to ordained ministry.

2. What did you do about it? (Try to) ignore it. Act immediately. Wait (how long?) then act.
Initially I did try to ignore it but the spiritual tugging grew more persistent. I spoke with the curate at our parish, the rector, some trust lay leaders, a clergy woman of another denomination, and Jewish friend. I wanted to test my experience against theirs.

3A. What steps did you take? (Describe the discernment process.)
Prayer, reading, creating quiet spaces in my day to be, discussions with trusted others who had an understanding of vocation.

3B. Was there an individual or group that guided you through the process? (mentor, spiritual director…)
It was more a group of spiritual friends.

3C. How did they help?
They listened, asked probing questions, left room for God to answer.

3D. Did you use a specific discernment technique(s)? Which one or ones? (see “Vocational Discernment and Prayer”)
No, I did not.

4. Did you discover anything surprising about yourself in the process or develop a new or latent gift? (see “God Equips the Called”)
I discovered a love for reading theology and church history. My academic interests blossomed.

5. Any advice to those in the process now?
Pray, share with a spiritual director and those outside of your tradition. We often learn best from our experience when we reflect upon how our experience differs from others.

6. Had you not been called, what might you be doing now or was this inevitable?
I always had the feeling that God would never force me to accept my vocation but I also had the feeling that God would never let me forget that I was called to a vocation. Had I not answered the call I probably would have pursued a career in environmental studies and public policy.

7. Please describe your current stage in the process. Include current occupation, title, employer (name of church), seminary and year graduated (or will graduate).
I am rector of St. John’s Episcopal Church in Ellicott City. I graduated from Berkeley Divinity School at Yale in 1985.

The Rev. M. Dion Thompson The Rev. M. Dion Thompson

1. When did you receive “the call”? Please include your age and occupation at the time. Was it obvious? Were you surprised?
I was 43 when I received "the call." Actually, it was a call to go back to church. I knew nothing about the Episcopal Church, but as god would have it; this is the church I was called to. At the time I was a reporter for the Baltimore Sun. The beginning of my journey was a mystery to me. I couldn't quite understand why, after years of not going to church, I now found myself getting up on Sunday mornings and driving to the Church of the Holy Nativity in Pimlico. I laughed when the priest there, the Rev. Dr. Victoria Sirota, suggested God might be calling me to the priesthood. What a preposterous idea! Why would God call a black man with dreadlocks who wasn't even an Episcopalian into the Episcopal Church, let alone the priesthood?

2. What did you do about it? (Try to) ignore it. Act immediately. Wait (how long?) then act.
While I tried to ignore any suggestions about my entering the priesthood, I devoured books and articles on church history. I was particularly fascinated with the early church. "The History of the Church" by Eusebius is one of the most important books I have ever read because it introduced me to a world I had not known. Despite my resistance, Mother Vicki often dropped not-so-subtle hints. About a year passed before I agreed to enroll in the Exploring Ministry Program.

3A. What steps did you take? (Describe the discernment process.)
Prior to starting Exploring Ministry, I read some suggested books, such as "The Word is Very Near You" by Martin Smith. Once in Exploring Ministry, I followed the entire process. I had internships at Old St. Paul’s and at The Ark, a daycare center for homeless children. I joined the Order of Urban Missioners. After much inner struggle, I slowly gave myself over to God.

3B. Was there an individual or group that guided you through the process? (mentor, spiritual director…)
Early on, I had many conversations with Mother Vicki. The entire Holy Nativity family also played a crucial role. The Rev. Marshal Thompson was an early mentor, confidante and role model. The priests and congregation of Old St. Paul’s welcomed me during an amazing internship. My experience there helped me see myself in a larger context and helped expand my understanding of the priesthood and the church. Later, the Rev. Melvin Truitt provided invaluable guidance and assistance.

3C. How did they help?
Each of the above in their own way helped explain the process to me, helped encourage me and supported me. I was full of questions. While I’d known plenty of Baptist and Pentecostal preachers, I had not known any priests from the liturgical church tradition. At that time, my conception of the priesthood was provided by old Hollywood films about Irish-Catholic priests and gangsters.

3D. Did you use a specific discernment technique(s)? Which one or ones? (see “Vocational Discernment and Prayer”)
I don't recall using any specific techniques. I did a lot of reading, praying and exploring.

4. Did you discover anything surprising about yourself in the process or develop a new or latent gift? (see “God Equips the Called”)
During the process, I discovered an inner Anglo-Catholic that had been hiding for years. Incense, processions, a chanted Eucharist, I took to them like a fish to water. I saw how many of the skills I’d learned in journalism could transfer to the priesthood. I also began to see myself as a leader.

5. Any advice to those in the process now?
I would encourage anyone in the process now to read up on the history of the Christian Church, the Anglican Church and the Episcopal Church. Also, I would suggest they be open to new experiences and be willing to try what might seem a bit uncomfortable at first. On the surface, Holy Nativity and Old St. Paul’s seem worlds apart, but each has a terrific, welcoming spirit. Also, find out what makes you tick spiritually. For me, it was a combination of early church history and Christian spirituality.

6. Had you not been called, what might you be doing now or was this inevitable?
I have no idea what I would be doing now if I had not been called into the priesthood. I might still be at the Baltimore Sun, but I would not be nearly as happy. This process has been a fascinating and challenging experience. I never expected to be where I am today.

7. Please describe your current stage in the process. Include current occupation, title, employer (name of church), seminary and year graduated (or will graduate).
I am a transitional deacon and am serving as the deacon-in-charge of the Episcopal Church of the Holy Covenant in Baltimore. I graduated cum laude in May 2007 from the general theological seminary in New York City.

Kristofer Lindh-Payne

1. When did you receive "the call"? Please include your age and occupation at the time. Was it obvious? Were you surprised?
I was 20 and a student in college at the time. I had an epiphany of sorts on a hiking trip in the Appalachian Mountains. When I returned home from the trip, I continued to discern this call with a spiritual director who is an Episcopal priest in the Diocese of Washington. I had a number of other “burning bush” type experiences through out the discernment process, but most of the journey has been about discerning God’s call in the subtleties.

2. What did you do about it? (Try to) ignore it. Act immediately. Wait (how long?) then act.
I waited several years before starting seminary, but was always active in discerning this call to ministry. I tried to do a number of different combinations of work for various faith based not-for-profits, hospices, and colleges. Each in their own right seemed to fall short of my vocational needs and desires, but also offered important learning experience that has led me to where I am today.

3A. What steps did you take? (describe the discernment process)
Masters of Arts program in Pastoral and Spritual Care, One year of serving in the congregation of St. Bartholomew’s Church, Ten Hills, Exploring Ministry Program, Finding Our Way, two required internships: one for three months at Grace Church, Elkridge, the other at St. Mary’s Outreach Center in Hampden.

3B. Was there an individual or group that guided you through the process? (mentor, spiritual director...)
There were a number of mentors assigned to us through the process that were exceedingly helpful. I continue to be in contact with them today. Both my rector, Flo Ledyard, and my spiritual director at the time, the Rev. Dr. Vicki Sirota, were great sounding boards. The Urban Missioners, the congregation to which I belong, and the commmunities in which I served as an intern were wonderful supports for me in the process.

3C. How did they help?
They helped me to “try on” various roles. They helped me to articulate questions of discernment and move more deeply into them. They were also supportive in prayer.

3D. Did you use a specific discernment technique(s)? Which one or ones? (see "Vocational Discernment and Prayer")
Aside from taking full advantage of Exploring Ministry and Finding Our Way, I also participated in a week long Ignatian Retreat and other discernment oriented retreats.

4. Did you discover anything surprising about yourself in the process or develop a new or latent gift? (see "God Equips the Called")
The process of formation is much more challenging than I imagined it would be, but God continues to walk with me through these trials and tribulations.

5. Any advice to those in the process now?
Get a spiritual director and a therapist to help you talk through what all this means for your life. Get to know people who are serving in the capacity to which you feel called. Though your call is uniquely your own, there are many people from whom you can learn that are living into a similar call.

6. Had you not been called, what might you be doing now or was this inevitable?
Though I believe this was inevitable, I probably would be doing active ministry within a congregation and doing something in the field of social work or community organizing (but I am confident that I would feel unsatisfied).

7. Please describe your current stage in the process. Include current occupation, title, employer (name of church), seminary and year graduated (or will graduate).
Student, Postulant, Seabury-Western Theological Seminary, anticipated graduation May 2009.

The Rev. Dr. Paul Tunkle The Rev. Dr. Paul D. Tunkle

1. When did you receive “the call”? Please include your age and occupation at the time. Was it obvious? Were you surprised?
At age 20 I began in earnest a spiritual search. I moved from the Bronx to Ward, Colo. (elevation 9,960 ft). In this small mining town in the Rockies, I experienced the magnificence of nature that humbled me and sent me searching for answers to questions I had never known. Raised by socialist atheist parents, I was deeply skeptical of religion. As a secular Jew, my skepticism was especially acute for Christianity. So my quest took me toward Eastern meditation, Yoga, and other experimentations with mind altering substances.

Within two years I had married Judy and relocated to the coast of Maine. I was working as a bookkeeper at the time and going to school at night. I needed six years of Night College to finish my bachelor’s degree. Judy was a Christian. I took up a bible and spent a year reading it. After the whole Hebrew Bible, which reconnected me with the stories and traditions of my ancestors, I turned the page and saw, “The Gospel of Matthew.” This was the material my family warned me about. But I went ahead and kept reading. It seemed to me to be a continuation of the same story of God and God’s people. When I finished the New Testament I closed the book and my response was confusion. This was either the greatest hoax in the history of the world, or it was the best news I had ever heard in my life. I was determined to find the answer.

We had begun attending a small Episcopal Church in Rockland, Maine, and I simply was an observer. But the question worked on me to the point of obsession. Finally, I went out alone on a stormy night to a lighthouse cliff and shouted into the roaring wind and waves, “I can’t stand this any more. If you’re out there, DO SOMETHING!!” In that moment there was a flash of light and I saw Christ in the sky with arms outstretched. They may have been arms of crucifixion, victory or welcome. It came and went as fast as a lightening bolt. When it was over, I discounted it as a hysterical aberration, and went home. As I walked in the door, Judy looked at me and said, “What happened to you? You look different and something has happened.” That something was my moment of conversion.

Within weeks I was a candidate for baptism. Bishop Frederick Wolf of Maine came to St. Peter’s and baptized me, confirmed me and gave me first Holy Communion all in the same service.

At that same time I sensed a call to priesthood. I held that in my heart for three years. Then one day I was hoeing in our family vegetable farm, and I threw down the hoe, came into the kitchen, and said to Judy, “I’m going to be a priest.” She said (somewhat cleaned up), “Oh no, I saw this coming and was hoping it would wait until all the kids were in school. We had three children by then.

2. What did you do about it? (Try to) ignore it. Act immediately. Wait (how long?) then act.
Once I was able to acknowledge the Call out loud, I sought out my local parish priest for help. None was forthcoming. My first attempt with the vicar of our church was discouraging. He was young and unhappy in parish ministry. He told me I would love celebrating the sacraments, but parish ministry was not for me. When he left the parish, I served on the search committee. The next vicar avoided my attempts to talk about this. My family formed an intentional residential Christian Community with another family, and we transferred to their parish in Thomaston. I went to see that rector, and he agreed to help me. He sent me to see Bishop Wolf. I went on a retreat at Holy Cross Monastery for a week prior to the appointment. I anticipated every reason he would say no and had a response to every issue he would raise. I was ushered into his office and sat down. “Bishop, I want to be a priest.” He waited a few moments and then said to me, “OK.” I was on my way.

3A. What steps did you take? (Describe the discernment process.)
I needed to finish my degree, so there was time. I entered the process as an aspirant. I had difficulty getting approvals from all the priests along my five year journey to that point. I was sent to a BACAM conference with eleven others. We were told only one would be made a postulant. I prayed and was radically and painfully honest with the committee. Judy called me crying some weeks later. “What’s the matter?” “You got a letter from the Diocese.” “Did you read it?” “No, but I held it up to the light and read the first line. It said “We are pleased …’” She again had hoped things would move more slowly. We had no money, and three small children. I was now studying accounting, and could have chosen a career as a CPA. But she supported me in my dream.

3B. Was there an individual or group that guided you through the process? (mentor, spiritual director…)
My help came from my baptismal sponsor, Betty Economy. She shepherded me as a new Christian. Her death from cancer awakened in me the deep pastoral calling, and helped confirm my decision and hope. The intentional community, called Agape House, also gave great support and encouragement. And Judy and I spent one night each week at a local state prison, helping a prayer and study group. Those men became my strongest advocates, and one of them wrote a letter of recommendation on my application to General Seminary. By far, Judy was my best guide, mentor and partner.

3C. How did they help?
All along the way, in my local parish, in the prison, and among family and friends, there was a sense of people who loved me helping me to see things more clearly. I was an optimist, and sometimes a valued friend offered an alternative viewpoint. Some of the clergy wanted to spare me the pain and suffering which they knew were inevitable if I took this path. My mother pretty much rejected me after my baptism, and our relationship remained strained and alienated for the remainder of her life.

3D. Did you use a specific discernment technique(s)? Which one or ones? (see “Vocational Discernment and Prayer”)
I prayed the Daily Office faithfully. Every psalm, every prayer, every scripture confirmed my sense of the lively presence of Christ in my life. The liturgy of the Church more strongly confirmed my sense of call to priesthood. I had experienced Jesus in my life. I wanted to share this story, and share the stories of others. My deepest call was to proclamation and formation.

4. Did you discover anything surprising about yourself in the process or develop a new or latent gift? (see “God Equips the Called”)
I am an extreme introvert. And public speaking was the talent most lacking. Of all I would be called to do, preaching would be the worst, because of my shyness and my inability to speak to adults. I was pretty much only comfortable with children. Along the way, I had to take a night class in speech. I told the story of Betty Economy’s death and based in on Romans 8 – What can separate us from the love of God? All I can say is that somehow the Holy Spirit must have helped me because the speech went well, and the teacher said I had a great gift for public communication. Me? From that time forward, preaching had become the principal gift for ministry which I offer, and it was the least expected gift of all.

5. Any advice to those in the process now?
Trust God and allow those who love you to give you advice. Learn from those who love you enough to tell you the truth, even when it is not what you want to hear. A community can discern the will of God much more clearly than can any individual, especially one filled with religious zeal. Be patient. The Church is paranoid about people entering Holy Orders who may be unstable or even do damage to her. So she will put you through hoops that seem so cumbersome and sometimes less than spiritual. Cultivate your mystic and contemplative spirituality, because the Church will seek your leadership and administration skills. Do not allow the process to quench the Spirit. Ask many questions. When you tell someone your spiritual journey story, ask them to tell you theirs. Remember that the process is intended to best help you discover God’s will for your life.

6. Had you not been called, what might you be doing now or was this inevitable?
I now see that this journey was inevitable for me. Had it not been priesthood, it would have been another form of service to people in the Name of Christ. Accounting was never a viable path for me. I have too much passion.

7. Please describe your current stage in the process. Include current occupation, title, employer (name of church), seminary and year graduated (or will graduate).
At present in my discernment process, I find myself mysteriously called as rector of The Church of the Redeemer, Baltimore. I graduated from General Seminary in 1984, and received a Doctor of Ministry degree from the School of Theology of Drew University in 1993. I was ordained a deacon in June 1984 by the same bishop who baptized me. I served as assistant to the rector of St. Luke’s in Salisbury, N.C. from 1984 to 1987. I was ordained to the priesthood by Bishop Robert Estill of N.C. on behalf of the Bishop of Maine in June 1985. I was rector of Holy Trinity in South River, N.J. from 1988 to 1993. I was rector of St. James in Alexandria, La. from 1993 to 2001. And I have been rector of Redeemer since 2001.

But much more importantly, I was baptized on Feb.17, 1974 in St. Peter’s in Rockland, Maine. It was there that I came alive in Christ, and my journey has been sustained by the grace of baptism ever since.

Published quarterly, the Maryland Church News is a resource for Episcopalians throughout the diocese with messages from the bishops on current events and mission-specific issues, diocesan and parish news, features, information and events. It is a vital tool that mirrors where we are as a church and how we witness to our community, and provides an in-depth analysis of our mission.